Brave New World: Can Childhood Still Be Magical in the Internet Age?

Editor's Note: We will be regularly following Cecile's journey as she becomes a first time mom to see what her experience is like after miscarriage.  You'll find her posts on our blog once a month.

Words & Images by Cecile Davis

I thought I would have more anxiety about the actual birth. The pain, the unknown complications. Instead I find myself worried about the world I’m bringing my baby into, especially if our little fetus turns out to be a girl. I’m not talking just about politics, although I must be honest, I wanted my child to know a world where ANYONE, and I mean anyone can be president. A world where progress is celebrated, not feared and rejected. But, no, this isn’t about politics. I’m talking about love and life flourishing in the beautiful garden of our planet. Taking care for one another and for our homes as we know them. I don’t feel desolate, but I do feel anxiety and a need to better the space around me and plan as much as I can, with an urgency I haven’t felt before. 

I worry about the air and water, and wax nostalgic of the childhood I had. I want her* to run in the woods and not be trapped behind a screen. Am I doing her a disservice by wanting to save her from the burden of technology? Can the internet wait for kids today? Will we cave instantly under the pressure of parenting and go for the bright, flashing, hypnotizing distraction? I pass no judgment on parents that give their children screens, because 1. I’m not a parent yet and although I have a very good idea of how hard it is, I don’t know from experience yet 2. Technology is so intertwined with our lives on every level and we has humans will only become more and more reliant on it 3. Computers are wonderful! I wouldn’t be able to have my business and career if it weren’t for computers. 

But here comes that nostalgia again… My childhood wasn’t dominated by the internet (I was born in 1985) it was filled with tree houses, fairies, playing Little Woman with my friends… Real life friends. I spent every moment I could outside. That’s not to say we didn’t watch tv or play video games, and when the internet did arrive (when I was a teenager) you can believe I begged my parents for it. Maybe that show Stranger Things is to blame, or the fact that I had a John Hughes marathon a few weeks ago. Has anyone figured this out yet? How to raise your kid so that they’re technologically capable, yet able to use their imagination and disconnect? 

When the actual parenting begins, we probably won’t have the time or energy to be philosophical about the state of the world and technology, so for now I’m working on transforming this feeling of anxiety to one of hope and purpose. I just hope that once we’re settled in, and the dust clears, we’ll give our child a balanced, innocent and magical childhood. Then a life of community in reality, not an online network. Not a life inside a flat screen but one that has three dimensions. I’m still worried about the air and water, but I have hope. 

*Disclaimer, we still don’t know the gender! Ugh, two more weeks until we find out.

Read more from Cecile here.


Cecile is a photographer and filmmaker living on Maryland's rural Eastern Shore. She specializes in artistic and highly emotional wedding coverage. Her husband and two dogs are expecting the arrival of their first human baby in April 2017.

Family | Parenting | Technology | Pregnancy

Maternal Instinct: 14 Weeks and a Day

Editor's Note: We will be regularly following Cecile's journey as she becomes a first time mom to see what her experience is like after miscarriage.  You'll find her posts on our blog once a month.

Words & Images by Cecile Davis

I’m feeling so fat, you guys. And this morning sickness is for real. Despite feeling like crap pretty much all day, all I want to do is EAT. I mean, like seriously eat. All the sour things… PICKLES, lemon, kale, mustard greens, and olives. Oh, and chocolate popsicles. 

So, the morning, ahem, I mean all day sickness, was really cramping my style not to mention my now voracious eating habits. I started googling various natural cures, which all lead me to one road: ginger. Normally, I can’t get enough of the stuff but this baby is not a fan, (with the exception of ginger ale, thank god) and just the smell was making me heave. Google had some pretty scary answers when it came to prescription options, so I asked our mid-wife for a happy medium and she prescribed a combination of vitamin B and antihistamine. That, along with the Mama SeaBand has really done the trick. I replaced the “go to” ginger tea with peppermint and suddenly I had my life back! 

So here’s a weird thing; people need to keep their opinions to themselves. I don’t mean when it comes to pregnancy tips or birth plan advice (although kinda with that too), I mean with obvious shit. If we have to hear one more time what a HUGE responsibility children are (isn’t there a saying about horses and barn doors?) and rude comments about our names choices... No we’re not trying to scar our child for life by giving them a unique name. Yes, we’ve thought this through, we’ve been discussing baby names for 3 years! I think it just plain rude to say you don’t like a name choice, if you don’t have anything nice to say…

My husband and I both have wonderfully unusual names and probably wouldn’t be the people we are today if we’d been named William and Mary. As for the responsibility piece, yeah DUH. Do you think we’re idiots?!?! Why do you think we’ve waited until now to do this? This baby was not an accident, we finally feel like we’re in a place in our lives where we can support and raise a child responsibly. I don’t feel overwhelmed by the idea of having and raising a child, I feel overwhelmed by opinions and the sinking feeling that my beliefs are wrong. 

We’ve also received various reactions to discovering the gender, and as a professional photographer I’m feeling a bit of pressure to come up with some brilliant gender reveal that will blow up Pinterest. I must admit a bit of apathy when it comes to this, maybe it's because I do it for a living or maybe it's because I feel like I could never live up to the hype. The punk in me wants to turn my pregnancy “coverage” into some performance art piece, with the weirdest, most absurd photographs possible. As of right now, I just want to enjoy this journey and save the perfect Instagram maternity pictures for our second kid.

Read more from Cecile here.


Cecile is a photographer and filmmaker living on Maryland's rural Eastern Shore. She specializes in artistic and highly emotional wedding coverage. Her husband and two dogs are expecting the arrival of their first human baby in April 2017.

Pregnancy | Miscarriage | Motherhood | Family

Excitement For My Rainbow Baby

Editor's Note: We will be regularly following Cecile's journey as she becomes a first time mom to see what her experience is like after miscarriage.  You'll find her posts on our blog once a month.

Words & Images by Cecile Davis

If anyone out there has miscarried, then you understand. Even if you haven’t, I’m sure you can imagine the heartbreak. For my husband and I, it wasn’t so much the loss of the pregnancy as the loss of the idea, the excitement. It seemed like we had just come to terms with the notion of being parents and bringing a life into this world when it was snatched away from us. I’m not gonna lie, I cried in the shower… a lot. 

We’re very fortunate to have conceived so quickly in the first place, really, considering how many years some couples have to endure. I’d been on birth control continuously since my first year of college (14 years ago!) and only stopped taking it in January, so I had prepared myself for a long wait until my body had readjusted itself. That first pregnancy was really early and I regret now having not waited longer to take that first test. If I’d waited just another couple weeks, I would’ve thought it was a intense (albeit very late) period and would’ve remained blissfully ignorant. I’ll spare you the details of the miscarriage itself, which took about a week, except to say in hindsight I wish I’d asked more questions about what was going to happen and how I would feel afterwards. 

I had an ovulation test kit in a drawer collecting dust and decided to finally use it about two weeks after the miscarriage, you know, just to see. I took a test every day for 6 days and nothing, which was what I was expecting. Then, on the 7th day, I ovulated!!! I called the hubby and got down to business! I had read that you are at your most fertile after an abortion or miscarriage (who knew, right?!) and there was a good chance we would conceive sooner rather than later. I was determined to be patient and not repeat history so I waited as long as I could, which turned out to be two days after I should've gotten my period, to pee on a stick again. Wouldn’t you know it? It was positive! SQUEE! 

I went straight to Planned Parenthood to get a blood test and ultrasound.  The results of the ultrasound were an “EMPTY UTERUS” just what you want to hear when you’re trying to get pregnant!  They told me the positive pregnancy test was the result of hCG still left in my body after the miscarriage, because at the ER they didn’t do that thing were they suck all the hormones out of you.  Needless to say I was deeply upset.  It was like reliving the miscarriage all over again. 

Weeks went by, we drank a few times, I smoked a cigarette (I quit over 2 years ago), and I kept feeling terrible.  It was getting harder and harder to get out of bed, which when you work from home is really, really hard.  I wasn’t being productive and starting to get seriously scared that I was slipping into a deep depression.  Then the physical symptoms began.  My boobs started getting HUGE and tender, I could smell everything and I was feeling nauseated almost every day.  On Labor Day my sister remarked that I didn’t seem right and that she was worried about me, so I told her I’d go to the doctor the next day. I went back to Planned Parenthood for another blood test.  I just wanted to know when this was going to be over and we could start trying again, I just wanted some hope… and my freaking period!  

The pee test came back still positive and the nurse suggested we do another ultrasound.  About half way through, she started sniffling, and I thought, oh god I have cancer or something!  But no, I was 6 weeks 6 days and got to see that brand new heart beating away.

I've never been so happy, yet felt so terrible (this morning sickness is no joke you guys). It's real, it feels real, and I couldn't be more excited for the journey to come.


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About the Author:

Cecile is a photographer and filmmaker living on Maryland's rural Eastern Shore. She specializes in artistic and highly emotional wedding coverage. Her husband and two dogs are expecting the arrival of their first human baby in April 2017.


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The heartwarming excitement of a rainbow baby after the heartbreak of a miscarriage. Read more at hollandlanemag.com
If anyone out there has miscarried, then you understand. Even if you haven’t, I’m sure you can imagine the heartbreak.  Read more at hollandlanemag.com
It seemed like we had just come to terms with the notion of being parents and bringing a life into this world when it was snatched away from us.  Read more at hollandlanemag.com