I Have Emetophobia

I Have Emetophobia

On the plane ride over a girl two seats behind me got airsick, very airsick. The flight attendants had to close one of two restrooms on the plane because it was covered in vomit. As soon as I registered what was happening my stomach coiled, my chest clenched. I felt trapped in my own body. I was so close to her. Was it the stomach flu? Could I get sick by breathing the same air?

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Our Top 10 Blog Posts of All Time

Our Top 10 Blog Posts of All Time

We have shared stories from over 1,000 women around the world. We have been called a lifeline and a safe space. Women have come to us when they are in the deepest despair of their lives seeking community and a hand to hold. It has been scary, overwhelming, and the most rewarding thing I've ever done. These stories have made us laugh, made us cry, and most importantly, they have brought us together in the arms of compassion and love.

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Trying Self-Acceptance On For Size

Trying Self-Acceptance On For Size

My daughter, Zoey, sits on a bench beside me, moving her legs back and forth to the beat of the song she quietly sings. In the mirror before me, I see her kicking feet, and I am grateful her movement has momentarily pulled my attention toward her reflection and away from my own. But soon my gaze shifts back to my body to the task at hand, and I’m wishing I was somewhere else.

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How I Learned to Love Graves’ Disease

How I Learned to Love Graves’ Disease

I sat on my bed, feeling like I’d just climbed Mount Everest. My heart was pumping, my whole body was shaking, and I was struggling to catch my breath. Yet all I’d done was climb up 14 steps to the first floor of my house. The last three steps I just about managed on my hands and knees before collapsing in a heap on my bed.

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From Death to Life

From Death to Life

I will never forget the first time I laid my eyes on the piece of ground where my dad took his last breath. My husband and I, along with our two children, made the long drive from our East Coast home to the rural Midwest town where my dad resided. Though I had spent my growing up years in the general area, I was only vaguely familiar with the stretch of road that would now be forever etched in my mind.

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What Does Anxiety Feel Like?

What Does Anxiety Feel Like?

Anxiety, what does it feel like? For me, it feels like I'm running a marathon, except I don't know what mile marker I'm at. My chest tightens, my pulse quickens, I try to breathe deeply but usually it comes up short. At times, in my most severe anxiety attacks, I have felt like a CD or DVD that is scratched and so the same line or word keeps repeating.

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The Mental Acrobatics of Motherhood and Career

The Mental Acrobatics of Motherhood and Career

Reflecting on my upbringing, education, and beginning of my career, there was no clear template for a woman in business. Similarly there was no recipe for motherhood as a working woman. I became a mother shortly after turning 30, blindsided by my love for my child. Balance was not a thing before motherhood. I had always poured all my energy into my career, but now there was this little person who also needed me. I had no idea what it looked like to be a working mother balancing the demands of my job with the needs of a child.

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Stop Living in Fear

Stop Living in Fear

I think my writer’s block is fear. It’s becoming one of those days where thinking about what to write, and rereading things I’ve already written, fills my head with a sort of melancholy that makes me feel so tired of even trying. For some reason my own writing makes me feel like going to bed, hiding my head under the blanket, and turning off my brain. Forcefully numbing myself with social media or Netflix. I don’t know why this is.

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Breaking Up With My Uterus

Breaking Up With My Uterus

I am breaking up with my uterus. Yes, you read that correctly. I am in the final days of owning one of my most identifiable, gender specific organs, and my emotions are all over the place. I have been diagnosed with adenomyosis and uterine polyps, and for those that are unfamiliar, it is a condition that occurs when the tissue that lines the uterus begins to grow into the interior muscular wall of the uterus, creating clusters of cyst-like pockets.

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Can We Talk About Postpartum Depression?

Can We Talk About Postpartum Depression?

I looked at my baby with spaghetti sauce all over his face - smiling, innocent - and I wanted to fall in a hole. How did I get here? He was only one year old and had encountered more rage, more shouting than anyone should have to tolerate for a year, much less the only year they'd been alive. He didn't deserve this. None of us did. I was tired of screaming at my husband, him screaming back. Tired of yelling at my perfect cherub during sleepless nights. Tired of feeling so ashamed, so alone, so broken.

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10 Stories About the Realities of Mental Health

10 Stories About the Realities of Mental Health

It has slowly become more “normal” to talk about mental health issues in today’s society - which is a huge positive step forward. But it still seems that there are so many misconceptions and stereotypes out there about mental illness. What does anxiety mean? What does depression look like? What role does mental health play in suicide? What are the effects that mental health have in relationships, daily life, etc? There are many different experiences out there, and at Holl & Lane it’s always been important to us to not shy away from those stories.

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